More Healing, More Success
Heal Yourself, Create Success
We have all been hurt at some point whether it was our family, friend, romantic partner, colleague, boss, or stranger. Abuse, loss, or an undesired result may have contributed to our trauma. And for many high-achievers and those seeking success, the prevailing thought is to move forward NO MATTER WHAT. I'm a big fan of empowered action forward. But first, we must heal. If we don't, our success will be built on an unstable foundation that can crumble when least expected. Plus it makes us horrible partners, bosses, friends, and family members. So how do we heal so that we don't bleed on the ones that didn't cut us?
Healing vs. Denying
Step one to healing is admitting that we've been hurt. Seems obvious, yet so many of us deny that what we went through had a lasting impact - that bad relationship, that toxic job, that harassing boss, that demeaning teacher, that harmful family member or stranger.
Society tells us to be strong and independent, implying that we should move forward without addressing our "hurts". But you need to uncover what has harmed you so you can start to identify the impact.
Has your trauma caused a lack of self-esteem, trust, motivation, or willingness? Has it caused increased fear, instability, or overwhelm? How has this impacted the way you live your life now?
It may be difficult to see/admit to how this affects your current actions. But here is the thing - if you don't identify how this is affecting you, you can't truly achieve success.
Sure - you may reach some external markers of success like a certain job, income level, family status, home, etc. But real success includes the ability to be happy with oneself without excess stress, anxiety, depression, or limitations.
Real success allows for a flow of people, opportunities, and things to come and go throughout your life, allowing you to reach your full potential and live a fulfilling life.
But if you haven't healed from something that hurt you, you are likely limiting yourself and your ability to reach your full potential. And any success you are building is on an incomplete foundation.
You must first extract the trauma and pain, heal it, and then build.
Analogy = a wound. You get injured and rush to put a band aid on it. No time to go to the doctor - you have things to do! Plus, it is way too painful to dig into it to see if there is anything that needs to be cleaned out.
Weeks later, the wound opens up every time you rub up against it. It gets infected, causes issues at the worst possible times, and limits your mobility. But you are getting by. Years later, it is a permanent but manageable disfigurement. Nothing horrible, just a constant dull pain that limits many of the activities you love.
Had you allowed yourself the time to properly remove the debris, apply the correct disinfectants, and get those required stitches to heal properly in the first place, you would have full, pain-free use of that limb. You would be able to do all the things you love to do and enjoy them FULLY.
But that would've required a lot of extra pain and time in the beginning, and when it happened, it felt more prudent to push through and keep going.
Same with emotional and mental trauma/pain. Maybe it didn't even hurt that much when it first happened. But it is resurfacing every time you bump up against it. And the issue is not just for you. You are hurting those around you.
Your lack of trust is causing others to feel untrusted and micromanaged. Your low self-esteem is causing perfectionistic tendencies that are exhausting to you and your family. Your inability to share personal things at work makes you appear cold and uncaring (making people not want to work with/for you).
Your fear is keeping you from taking that next opportunity that will get you to where you want to be in your career and in your life.
Your unhealed self is limiting your entire future. You are getting by with a constant dull pain that flares up from time to time when something hits up against it.
And it is negatively affecting you, your relationships, your career progression, your future opportunities, your finances, your success, and your fulfillment.
Or maybe there is no dull pain because you are numbing. There is a HUGE difference between healing and numbing/escaping. True healing hurts. Escaping is how many cope. Drinking, drugs, sex, gambling, binging TV, excessive working, and social media all take us out of our pain and into a world of escape. It feels great in the moment, but detracts from real success, real health, real fulfillment.
The strongest people I know dive into their pain and HEAL. They do it with professional help (therapy, counseling, coaching, groups, religious leaders, other forms of healing). They are smart enough to know that doing it alone is less efficient and less productive.
Those that heal enjoy the fruits of their labor. It is a hard, painful process to heal. It can take years. But your success depends on it.
I have seen this process personally and with my clients. I have seen unhealed people succeed, only to see it all fall apart. I spent years denying my own pain and covered it up with degrees, career success, and people-pleasing, only to have it all implode and almost destroy my family.
After healing my past (this is an ongoing process) I recognized that I had more inner strength than I knew, I didn't have to be an accountant to be successful, and that I had the power to slow down and process emotions instead of pushing them down to get past them.
I am in a phase of loss right now and I am doing the work to process it and heal. I want to come out of this stronger, instead of pretending to be stronger but breaking on the inside. (My signature move for many decades - I know it well!)
I don't really have the time to explore my feelings and cry all the time - I have kids to take care of, a home to re-establish, and a business to run. But deep down, I know I need to work through this NOW so that I don't limit my future. I can work through life WHILE I work through healing. This is the only way I can show up the way I want to for my family, friends, and clients.
In order for me to be successful, the healing must be prioritized.
Not just for me. For everyone around me. Because the world needs full, unlimited, HEALED people. We don't want any more defensive, traumatized, blaming, mean, pretentious, bullying, ignorant people.
You deserve to be fulfilled. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to HEAL. But no one is going to do it for you. Find the resources and start the process. This is the BEST thing you can do for yourself, your family, your colleagues, and your community.
Because if you never heal what hurt you, you will continue to bleed on people that didn't cut you.
Cheers to your healing & success,
Sharon
Finding Your Flow Workshop
As I work through the opposing realities of taking care of myself while taking care of others, certainty vs. uncertainty, and planning vs. execution - I am living the content of my upcoming Finding Your Flow workshop. We all have many of these opposing demands in life that we can never fully solve for. We must deal with each but we don't need to suffer and feel torn.
There is a proven methodology to help you flow more seamlessly between these opposing demands in life. It is called polarity mapping and I am teaching it in my upcoming workshop Finding Your Flow. You will leave with your personal completed map that will help you more easily flow between your demands instead of feeling pulled apart by them.
Finding Your Flow Workshop Details:
Date: Nov 11th, 12-1:30pm ET (virtual)
Cost: $95
Includes the workshop, an optional group coaching session on Nov 18 at 12pm ET, the polarity mapping workbook, and a recording of the session for future reference.
REGISTER HERE
This is a simple, cost-effective way to get a real handle on your stressors and make practical changes to create less stress and more flow. With more flow comes more joy, freedom, and focus. Questions? Email me or set up time to chat HERE.
Life is too short to stay stressed and stuck. I've helped so many people reclaim their life. I can help you too.
