Difficult Weekends, Simple Solutions

Mother's Day Can Be Hard

Or it can be joyous.  Or anywhere in-between.  Whether you are a mother, have a mother, want to be a mother, wish you weren't a mother, are a bonus mother, are missing your mother, are missing your children, have a strained relationship with your mother, or never knew your mother - this weekend can be.............complicated.  I've collected some simple ways to enjoy it from my own years of experience as well as stories shared by clients, so I want to share them with you.

Simplify

First of all - realistic expectations make all the difference in the world.  Interestingly I started last week's newsletter with this same sentence.  It is worth repeating.  Even when everything is planned well, unexpected things occur, and nothing is perfect.  

But unlike most weekends, Mother's Day can be triggering in positive and negative ways.  And for those celebrating, the expectations may be higher than what reality can meet.

Kids cry, your mother-in-law might hog all the attention, your own mother could be overbearing, laying a guilt trip, or gone, and brunch will likely be overcrowded and cold.  Yes - I know I sound like a ray of positivity here, lol!

My recommendation - look at the day for what it is.  A Sunday.  Potentially with plans or not.  Being realistic about how the day may go will help you set realistic expectations and hopefully curb any disappointment, negative emotions, or complete meltdowns.  Regardless, in 24 hours it will be over.  

Ask for what you want.  Decide what would make you happiest this weekend and plan for it.  Do not expect others to read your mind.  It would be awesome if life were a Hallmark movie, but it isn't.  And having an expectation that others are going to do something sets up the perfect scenario for future resentments when they aren't met.

Enforce your boundaries.  If Mother's Day is a joyous celebration, enjoy it!  If it brings emotional baggage with it, really decide what you need for your own mental and emotional health.  (May is Mental Health Awareness Month!)

It may be limiting time with certain relatives, having certain topics be off limits, doing something completely unrelated to Mother's Day, honoring a loved one quietly, or escaping for the day.

A special holiday isn't an exception to your boundaries.  This being said, it goes both ways.  If your child or mother has expressed boundaries in the past, honor them, even on this special day.  Pushing past boundaries rarely results in a good outcome for anyone involved.

Let go of the guilt (and the past). You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time.  You aren't going to meet everyone's desires this weekend, so at least meet some of your own.  Guilt is a waste of your energy - either do the thing and be happy about it or don't - but don't beat yourself up about it.

Seek joy.  Again, this day may be amazing, heart-wrenching, or a little bit of both.  Find something that brings you joy and make it happen!  It could be your morning coffee before the day gets started, the food, the music, the peace after everyone leaves, a handmade card, your most comfortable outfit, etc.  Life passes by so quickly - we owe it to ourselves to seek joy in our situations and lean into it!

Why am I writing about this?  Because as a daughter and mother, with an ailing mother-in-law, an aging grandmother, and having suffered through miscarriages and postpartum depression in the past - I know it can be less-than-ideal.

As someone who is ecstatic to spend time with my sons and mother this year, I am acutely aware that every year is different, so I want to intentionally enjoy it! 

And quite frankly, the advice I offered works for every holiday and most work environments too.  You have to set realistic expectations, ask for what you want, enforce your boundaries, let go of the guilt (and the past), and intentionally seek joy in order to be fulfilled.  

You are an amazing, smart, awesome person.  You deserve to be happy.  You deserve to go after the things you want.  And you deserve to create a life that fulfills you.

My wish for you is that you start making intentional choices today that fill your cup and make you smile :)

And if smiling this weekend isn't in the cards, there is always next weekend.  And the one after that.  Nothing says you can't claim a random weekend as your own and make it 10Xs as special!!

For those celebrating - from the bottom of my heart - Happy Mother's Day.  Our world is better because of the care and love that is shared by women towards children, each other, and society.  We may not be perfect, but we are awesome none-the-less :)

Cheers to YOUR Mother's Day,
Sharon

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