Find Your Flow and Stress Less!
Find Your Flow
Do you feel torn between work and home? Between caring for yourself and caring for others? Between being your authentic self and fitting in? Trying to find the right balance between these seemingly opposing demands in our lives can be stressful and exhausting.
Forget trying to find balance - it doesn't work. Instead, find ways to move more freely between these opposing demands by creating your specific roadmap of how and when to move from one to the other. Because as much as we want to - we can never solve for these dualities once-and-for-all. We all have them in our lives to some extent, so we might as well learn how to better flow between them.
Polarity Mapping
Barry Johnson created his work in finding flow between life's opposing demands, or polarities, back in 1975. His work has since been utilized by many organizations and individuals in order to better manage these unsolvable dilemmas we all face. He calls it Polarity Mapping and it is GAME CHANGING.
I was introduced to this work via my Presence Based Coaching program and it has been so helpful to me and my clients. This is how it works:
Take two things in life that you are trying to manage that feel like opposites. Work vs. Life, Self-Care, vs. Caring for others, Thinking vs. Feeling, Planning vs. Being in the Moment, Learning something new vs. Being an expert - there are literally thousands of examples.
Write down each opposing demand (or pole) and then write out all of the negative and positive things that you experience when you spend time in that pole.
This is NOT a pros/cons list. The key here is to really recognize how you feel when you are experiencing each side. Both sides will bring both positive and negative emotions. The goal is to recognize your early warning signal when you start to experience the negative emotions associated with that pole and then purposefully and intentionally move to the other pole.
Example: Being Authentic vs. Fitting in
For me, this is a big one. Fitting in is my desired default. I am a recovering people pleaser, connection is one of my core values, and nothing makes me happier than when I feel like I truly belong. When I fit in, I feel liked, accepted, energized, and part of something bigger than myself. But when I ignore being authentic for the sake of fitting in, I start to feel fake, drained, and uncomfortable.
Specifically, I start to think really hard about what I am going to say next instead of letting things flow naturally out of my mouth. This is my early warning signal that I am unbalanced, and that I have spent too much effort trying to fit in. When I notice my words aren't flowing naturally anymore, this is my signal to intentionally return to being my authentic self.
When I am being authentic, I feel alive, aligned, and at ease. But there are times when after a deep share or a really bold authentic statement, I start to feel vulnerable, uncomfortable, and wondering if anyone gets me, or even worse, if I offended anyone. Specifically, I start to feel shaky and my mind races. This is my early warning signal that maybe it is time to listen to others.
It doesn't mean I abandon being authentic. What it means is that I allow myself to notice the negative feeling and evaluate what I want to do next. Maybe I continue because being authentic in that moment for something I believe in is worth feeling the shakiness for. Or maybe listening at that point is a way to reclaim some of my energy and hear what others have to say.
The purpose of this mapping is to explore both sides of what exists in our life, recognizing that we can't solve this once-and-for-all.
For those of you saying "We can always be authentic!" I share your optimism. However, we live in a world where it isn't *always* true. We live within societal norms and work within organizational boundaries. We can be as authentic as possible within those spheres, but we are also expected to adhere to guidelines.
Example: My authentic self may think pajamas are fine, however my previous employer said business casual was acceptable. My authentic self wants to tell people "Shut up, this is pointless, for real, this meeting is a waste of all of our time", however etiquette requires that I address the validity of the meeting in a more respectful, approachable way.
You may totally disagree with everything I've written regarding being authentic vs. fitting in - and that is the point of the polarity mapping - it is completely individual!!
You make YOUR map, of YOUR poles that you struggle to balance, you figure out YOUR experiences in each pole, and you uncover YOUR early warning signals.
You may move easily between being authentic and fitting in and find this example annoying. Your struggle may be more between time for work vs. time for family. Or trusting your intuition vs. trusting your logic. Or caring for yourself vs. caring for others in your life.
Either way, both sides of these demands exist in your life. Trying to balance them doesn't work, you can't solve for the formula.
The goal is to find FLOW between these opposing demands. You identify your early warning signals so you don't have to experience the deep negative feelings of staying in either side too long. Instead, you notice your early warning signal and intentionally move towards the other pole to start experiencing the positives of that pole. Then, when you stay in that too long, you feel your early warning signal and again intentionally move back to experience the positives of the original pole.
Back and forth. With ease, grace, and joy. All day long.
No stress. No struggle. No balancing plates on sticks or feeling split in two.
Just awareness that life has these dualities and that we have the power to move more easily between them. Instead of feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and torn apart trying to "do it all", we can incorporate these dualities into our lives and find a flow that works uniquely for us.
Cheers to Finding Your Flow,
Sharon
For information on Barry Johnson's work, here is one of many resources (although this is more specific to dualities in organizations than individuals): https://www.polaritypartnerships.com/
Want Help Finding Your Flow?
Create your own polarity map! I'm hosting a Finding Your Flow workshop to walk you through an example, provide the workbook and tools you need, and give you time to complete your own polarity map within the session. You will walk away with a tangible product to help you reduce your stress and more easily flow between your demands.
The virtual workshop is Friday, March 11, from 12-1:30pm ET, and your ticket includes access to two additional optional group coaching sessions (3/18 & 3/25 at 12pm ET) to further discuss your polarity map and/or create additional ones. The investment is $95 and you can buy your ticket HERE.
Invest in something meaningful for yourself. This could make a great last minute Valentine's Day gift to yourself or someone else who is struggling!
Stop the insanity of trying to solve for these dualities - you can't. All you can do is move back and forth between them in a way that works best for you. I promise this work can change your life. I honestly don't know why we aren't taught this tool in school and required to utilize it for every work dilemma we encounter!
