Growth Doesn't Have to be Painful

Don't Choose Pain

"No pain, no gain"
"The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow"
"When you are comfortable, you aren't growing"

I'm tired of these concepts that make us feel guilty if we aren't constantly climbing, doing, growing, and pushing ourselves to painful limits.  Yes, we do have to break out of our comfort zone for growth.  But we also need periods of recovery and BEING in the place where we are.  Balancing DOING with BEING is how we build SUSTAINABLE growth. 

So throw out this concept of either/or and get comfortable knowing you need both comfort and discomfort in life.  But pain?  We can do without self-inflicted pain and still be wildly successful.  Here's how:

Be Here For a Minute

Stairs are a pretty good example of how to "move up".  You start by moving your leg up onto one stair.  But before you go up the next stair, your foot must BE on the stair for a moment while the other foot climbs.

If just going up (continuous growth) was the most efficient way, then we would all be climbing up slides.  But we don't, and if you've tried (I have on the playground with my boys), it is slippery and the best way to end up on the ground in a pile of leaves with a bruised backside, bruised ego, or both.

So in life, why do we feel like we should ALWAYS be climbing?  Why are we told we need to be in constant pain in order to be successful?

I blame it on how society tangles self-worth with productivity, and the very popular quotes I see on social media that say things like "Great things never come from comfort zones" and "You never change your life unless you step out of your comfort zone". 

There is truth to this, and I have helped many clients move out of their comfort zone to reach their goals. 

There is also a lot of truth and value in rest, recovery, and getting to a place of comfort before taking on the next challenge.  This has been one of the most helpful ways my clients have grown - by doing it in a way that balances the discomfort with moments of comfort and joy.

The value of pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zones is to improve our lives/careers in some way.  There is a belief that you can be better, have more, etc., and that "more" in the future is worth the discomfort now.

For many things it is.  The discomfort in trying new, healthier foods or a new workout is worth your future improved health.  The discomfort of presenting for the first time is worth the future benefit of opportunities to share knowledge, lead others, and make an impact.  The discomfort of being new at something gives you the potential future benefit of becoming an expert.

But there are also moments when you need to pause in your growth and just BE.  You need to let that healthier food settle in your stomach.  You need to take a day off from the gym to let your muscles recover.  You need to reflect on your presentation and do more back-office research before next time.  You need to revel in all you've accomplished before you take on the task of accomplishing more.

You need to find moments of being comfortable (yeah, I said it, BE COMFORTABLE FOR A MINUTE!) in order to take it all in.   You need to be able to be in the moment and enjoy where you are and how far you've come!  You need to be able to BE. HERE. NOW.

Because if you aren't enjoying your growth, if you aren't able to feel the comfort and joy of that mountain you just climbed, then what the heck are you doing it for?

Yes - for money, education, and to make the world a better place.  But is the world really a better place if it is filled with insatiable climbers who are in constant pain and discomfort?  Is this culture of burn-out really helping anything?

No.  It is not.  

It is driving people towards unhealthy and unfulfilling lives with real, negative physical and mental health consequences.

The absence of pain is a good thing.  You can experience discomfort without pain.

My yoga teacher stresses this - she pushes me to accept the discomfort but reminds me that it shouldn't be painful.  There is a difference between stretching and tearing.  You don't want to tear yourself apart so badly that it takes you 10x longer to recover.

There is no reason to push yourself so far that it is so painful that it scares you away from ever doing it again.  Same is true for pushing others - you can give them a gentle, reassuring nudge or you can berate them and scare them into action.  Both will get it done, but one will destroy the future relationship.

Sometimes we don't have a choice.  I have been pushed into painful experiences in my life and I have grown (eventually) from them all.  But those experiences also triggered other undesirable things such as trauma responses, anxiety, and distrust in others.

Was it worth it for all the personal growth I've experienced?  Maybe.  Could I have reached this point of growth with a series of uncomfortable pushes instead of one or two that caused debilitating pain?  I'd like to think so.

Bottom line - don't buy into this idea that you have to always be in pain.  Experience moments of comfort without worrying that you are "lazy", "unproductive", or "stuck".  It means you are comfortable.  That's it.

And when you want to grow or advance your life or career in some way, you will be rested and ready to take on the discomfort that comes with that.  You will be ready (although still a bit scared, that's normal) to take on that next stair because you had a moment to ensure your foot was grounded and able to support your next step.

Cheers to comfort and joy,
Sharon

Find Your Flow Between Doing & Being

Find your unique flow between growing and being where you are. Find ways to move between building for the future and enjoying the present. Both are required for a productive and fulfilling life. Learn how to harness the power of the tension between these opposing forces and use it to your benefit.

The process is through polarity mapping, and I will walk you through creating your own map during my Finding Your Flow workshop. You will walk away with a tangible product to help you reduce your stress and more easily flow between doing/being, being a beginner/being an expert, caring for self/caring for others, or any other set of opposing demands in your life.

The virtual workshop is Friday, March 11, from 12-1:30pm ET, and your ticket includes access to two additional 60-minute group coaching sessions (3/18 & 3/25 at 12pm ET) to further discuss your polarity map and/or create additional ones. The investment is $95 and you can buy your ticket HERE.

Invest in something meaningful for yourself.

Stop the insanity of trying to solve for these opposing forces in life - you can't. All you can do is move back and forth between them in a way that works best for you. This work can change your life - it has definitely helped me and my clients.