Balance Self-Care with Caring for Others

Caring for Self while Caring for Others

Everyone wants something from you - your colleagues, your family, your friends, and all those other causes that ask for your time and money.  Taking care of others is important, but so is taking care of yourself.  Instead of fully depleting yourself, you can identify your personal stress signals and more easily flow between caring for yourself and caring for others.  It all starts with YOU.

Creating Flow

We've all heard the analogy about putting your own oxygen mask on before helping others.  Most would agree that taking care of ourselves is important, yet most of us put other people's needs before our own.

It can work for a period of time.  But eventually something gives - we get sick, we can't focus, we lose our temper and scream at our family members, or we start to disengage from overwhelm.  Once we are forced into a corner, we start caring for ourselves by getting more sleep, rest, time with friends, a good meal, etc.

But before we know it, we are caring for everyone else again and feeling depleted.  This back and forth is exhausting and unsustainable.  There is a better way - it is called polarity mapping and it works like this:

You identify your early warning stress signals that occur when you spend too much time caring for others, or too much time caring for yourself (these two opposites are called "poles").  Then you identify the good feelings you get when you are in each pole, and you find ways to easily move and back and forth between them.

When you start to feel the early warning stress signal of caring too much for others, you INTENTIONALLY notice and move towards caring for yourself.  You remind yourself of all of the benefits of self-care and you take action. 

But if we neglect our colleagues, family, and friends for too long, it doesn't feel good either.  So you identify the early warning signs of caring for yourself too much, and you INTENTIONALLY move towards caring for others.

The key here is to identify your EARLY stress signals.  Those first few thoughts and feelings that tell you that you need more balance.  The goal is to never get fully depleted and to never fully ignore other's needs. 

The goal is to intentionally and seamlessly move back and forth between caring for yourself and caring for others with minimal stress and maximum satisfaction. 

Sound too good to be true?  I promise it is not.  I did this exercise and have helped so many clients complete it to help them better manage this ongoing conflict.  It will never be solved once-and-for-all.  We must always care for ourselves and care for others.  How much we do of each is entirely unique to every person.

Which is the coolest part of this methodology - it works because it is built specifically by you, for YOU.  I can't tell you your early warning signs or when something is too much, only you know that.  And if you can't pinpoint it right now, make it your goal to start paying attention.

My personal example:
Caring for Self
Positives - I feel rested, energetic, able to take on the day, I am focused, I feel in control of life
But when I care for myself too much and neglect others, I start to notice:
Negatives - I feel isolated from those around me, lonely, unmotivated, and guilty

My early warning stress signal when I have spent too much time caring for myself is loneliness - I start to feel really disconnected from my network and family.  It usually presents as sadness combined with a yearning to know what others are doing.

When I feel this, the action I take is to connect with others - I ask my family if I can help with something, I reach out to a friend, or I set up time with someone in my network.  I intentionally move out of self-care and into caring for/connecting with others BEFORE I feel completely isolated and guilty.

Caring for Others
Positives - I feel connected to others, altruistic, energized, and useful
But when I care too much for others at the expense of my own self-care, I notice:
Negatives - I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, scattered, resentful, and annoyed

My early warning stress signal when I have spent too much time caring for others is that I snap at people and feel super annoyed by the littlest things.  

When I feel this, I stop myself.  "I'm snapping at my kids - what do I need?"  I recognize that I need some self-care and I evaluate what is critical for me to do, what I can delegate, and what will have to wait.  I intentionally take a few deep breaths and ask myself what I need, and then I give it to myself. 

Sometimes it is 10 minutes to breathe and clear my head.  Sometimes it is a good night's sleep.  Sometimes it is a walk, hot shower, or putting on good music.  The point is that I notice I am feeling stressed and instead of pushing through and ignoring it, I pause and give myself something - even if it is just the realization that I have to get through the next two hours and then I can take a break.

Figuring out your early warning stress signals is self-awareness.  Knowing yourself is key to taking control over your life.  You can't intentionally move to the other pole without catching your stress signals.  

And you can't enjoy life if you keep waiting until you are completely depleted or completely disconnected from everyone in your life before you move to the other side of this paradox.

You need to care for yourself.  You need to care for others.  How you choose to do this is up to you.  

Take some time now to write out the positives and negatives of each pole and your early warning stress signals when you've spent too much time in each.

Come up with your plan - When I feel [early stress signal], I will [intentional action in the other pole].

And then practice it!  No one does this perfectly all the time.  But the more you practice noticing, the easier it will be to take actions that help you move between these demands.  This leads to less stress, more flow, and more enjoyment in life.  Because what is the point of all of this if you don't enjoy it?

Want hands-on practice of this technique?  Join me on October 7th for my Finding Your Flow workshop, details below.

Cheers to less stress and more flow,
Sharon

Finding Your Flow Workshop

Caring for self vs. caring for others, planning vs. doing, work vs. play - there are so many of these opposites in life that we can never fully solve for. We must have some of each but trying to do everything leaves us feeling drained.

There is a proven methodology to help you flow more seamlessly between these opposing demands in life. It is called polarity mapping and I am teaching it in my upcoming workshop Finding Your Flow. You will leave with your personal completed map that will help you more easily flow between your demands, instead of feeling pulled apart by them.

Finding Your Flow Workshop Details:
Date: Oct 7th, 12-1:30pm ET (virtual)
Cost: $95
Includes the workshop, an optional group coaching session on Oct 21 at 12pm ET, the polarity mapping workbook, and a recording of the session for future reference.
REGISTER HERE

This is a simple, cost-effective way to get a real handle on your stressors and make practical changes to create less stress and more flow. With more flow comes more joy, freedom, and focus. Questions? Email me or set up time to chat HERE.

Life is too short to stay stressed and stuck. I've helped so many people reclaim their life. I can help you too.