We are ALL going to die - so let's start LIVING
We're ALL going to die
But not everyone will truly live. And that is the sad and very real state of affairs I am witnessing every day. I have been spending a lot more time with my 88 year-old grandmother as dementia is starting to take hold. I think about her life and what's she's endured, as well as the many joys she experienced. And then I take note of so many who have so much more than she did, but are 10 times more miserable. So what gives? And how can we truly LIVE?
How to be ALIVE
"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." ~Oscar Wilde.
In my grandma's time (born in 1936), she had no choice but to "live her life", because there weren't as many distractions. Sure, there was drinking and gambling and eventually TV - but she just couldn't be pulled away from her everyday life the way we are today.
Email, texts, social media, binging TV, - they all take us away from our actual lives.
Lately I've been triggered by the news - and so are many of my clients. As a woman in the US, I have less rights than I did three years ago. I suspect I may lose more rights if things keep going the way they are right now.
And that fact started to paralyze me, keep me in fear, and keep me in a state of either wanting to run away (to where, I have no idea), or to numb out.
And then one of my yoga training philosophies kicked in, which states that one of our biggest causes of suffering is denying death. By not facing our mortality, we waste our precious time on earth on frivolous worries and meaningless activities.
And it hit me. If I really am afraid that my quality of life will decline, then why am I not enjoying the hell out of my freedom today??
It applies to everything. If you are so paralyzed by fear of climate change, then go visit our National Parks! Go spend time in the nature that you are so afraid to lose. See the glaciers before they melt, the volcanoes before they erupt, and the islands before they are under water.
If you think your rights may be diminished, then go do all the things you want to do NOW. Travel, make art, get married, get divorced, buy property, explore dual citizenship, open that business, have that baby, get that puppy, take that class, join that group, stockpile birth control - whatever it is - DO IT!
But it is hard to do because of societal messages that tell us we must work hard and set everything up really nice right now so that our future is guaranteed.
(How dare you enjoy yourself while there are so many bills to pay, tasks to finish, people to care for, and things to worry about??? If you aren't busy all the time, are you even trying?) Ugh.
Yet the ONLY, and I mean the absolute ONLY guarantee is that you will die. I know - not super uplifting at the moment - but hear me out.
There is a practicality to taking care of our health so that we can enjoy our quality of life. There is a practicality to saving for retirement, not being straddled in debt, and setting the next generation up for success (your kids, nieces, nephews, neighbors, etc.) It reduces risk. It doesn't eliminate it, but it reduces it.
And it increases the chance of a more comfortable future. But what good is a comfortable and very uncertain future if it means you are sitting in misery TODAY?
Trade-offs always exist. No one gets their way or is happy all the time. But I see so many people who are almost never happy in the pursuit of planning for tomorrow.
A tomorrow that is not guaranteed. A tomorrow that is just as likely to be worse than today as it is to be better than today. None of us know. NONE OF US!
So stop catastrophizing and living in fear. (Easier said than done, I know). Start actually LIVING. Which I define as being with real people in real places in the present moment. Not projecting, not reading off a screen (this includes social, email, text, and TV), not sacrificing your mental and physical health today for some imagined future thing.
Stop worrying about what will happen and focus on what actually is happening.
Not your forecast of what today's action means for the future, but what is actually happening in YOUR life, right in front of you, right now.
Because if it all goes to hell in a handbasket (what a weird saying, right?), then wouldn't you want to look back and say "Thank goodness I did all that fun stuff when I could!" instead of "Yup, I knew it was going to be awful, I spent the last 10 years being miserable and telling you all how awful it would be."
This is not a plea to ignore the very real issues we are facing. This is a plea to actually DO something about it.
Action begets action. Live your life. Tell people you love them. Hug people, call them, literally smell the next flower you pass, light the candle, feel the comfort of your car, enjoy your comfy sheets and indoor heating and air conditioning and running water and hot coffee and ALL THE THINGS.
DO SOMETHING that feels like living. Because when you start living, you get better at living. And people that are good at living are good at change. And people that are good at change help make better changes possible.
And we need that. We need YOU to live your life.
My grandma is doing ok. My mom and I took her out to eat on the water last week and it wasn't the best idea. It was too loud and more walking than she would've liked. But she thanked us and we all felt ALIVE.
Feeling alive isn't always comfortable. But it isn't detached and depressed and anxious and stuck in fear either. We took her out because we don't know how many more times we can.
And instead of sitting inside fearing her impending death - we let her live and eat and walk and complain a bit. As much for ourselves as for her. And that's ok.
That's how I am committing to living my life. I know I'm going to die, so I'm going to experience and enjoy as much real life as I possibly can (without getting frantic about that, because that's a whole new level of anxiety I don't want to unlock).
My dad died at 58, my great grandmother at 100, and I have several friends who are already gone before reaching 45 years old.
I'm constantly balancing living for today while planning for tomorrow. The living for today with positive expectancy for the future is what keeps me happy and fulfilled. Same for my clients.
I'm going to do what I can today knowing that tomorrow isn't promised. And that is life. I'm here for it.
Cheers to truly LIVING,
Sharon
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