Let Go or Hold On? How to Decide
The Art of Letting Go
Nature is a wonderful teacher. And she is about to show us how beautiful it is to let go. Just as the trees must let go of the dead leaves in order to thrive, we must also let go of the things dragging us down in order to make space for the beautiful new opportunities coming our way. But what happens when you feel compelled to hold on? Aren't perseverance, grit, and tenacity required for success?
Creating Flow, Reducing Pain
What are you holding onto?
Does it benefit you?
Or does it drag you down?
Our whole lives we are told to keep learning, keep doing, and keep building upon what we already have.
So we accumulate all of these beliefs, responsibilities, relationships, knowledge, and stuff. And while a lot of it is helpful, some of what we are holding onto doesn't serve us anymore.
It is heavy, dead weight that is slowing us down and getting in the way of what we really want.
But no one tells us how to let go of what doesn't serve us anymore. Everyone talks about "more" and all of the things you can/should be doing, but no one addresses how to make space for all this new stuff.
What happens when it is all too much?
We need to let go. Before we can let go, we have to evaluate everything that we are holding and ask ourselves "Is this helping me or holding me back?"
Here are some examples of things we often hold onto that are in our way:
Our Identity. This is the toughest one. We build our identity throughout our early years, and often hold onto it without ever questioning if we are, or still want to be, that person. The go-getter, the partier, the high achiever, the peacemaker, the happy one, the quiet one, the angry one, the leader, the follower, the [your profession], etc. It feels scary to let go of who we've told ourselves we are. Yet as we evolve, learn, and grow - we change. Allowing ourselves to decide who we are every day by letting go of labels can help us cultivate more of who we want to be, while letting go of what doesn't serve our future, even if it served us in the past. What got you here won't get you there.
Resentment. Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. Yes, your coworker is annoying and maybe doesn't deserve the promotion. Your mother-in-law is a bit crazy. Your father is hurtful at times. Your neighbor is a jerk and mows his lawn at 7am on Sundays. And that person who ripped your heart out and made you question yourself and your ability to ever trust again - they totally suck. But holding onto those negative feelings isn't getting back at them. You are the only one suffering. So let go of the negative energy and open up that space for the good people in your life.
Belief that "hard work" and "doing" makes you worthy. When you started in your career, doing things yourself and being an individual contributor was necessary to demonstrate your abilities. But as you've gained experience and changed roles, your value and worth are based on your strategizing, problem solving, and teaching others through delegation. You've added a lot of new tasks to your plate. The only way to do them well is by letting go of the older tasks.
Activities that we are doing to make us/our children "better". We enroll ourselves and our children in all sorts of activities because we think it will make us/them more well-rounded, allow us to find our talents, and be our best selves. Yet no one I know is their best self when they put in 10-12 hour days (combo work/school/activities). So why are you really doing it? Most likely its FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) or keeping up with the Jones. You feel like you can't be the only one not doing xxxxx, and your child can't be the only one not doing at least 3 extra-curriculars. Examine what you are doing and decide if it really is benefiting you/your family, or if it is just keeping you busy.
Ideas of what makes you a "good employee", "good partner", "good parent" and/or a "good friend". Examine all the behaviors you are holding on to so that you can be "good". How many of those behaviors actually make you better? And how many of them just exhaust you, make you feel guilty when you miss doing one of them, and are taking up your time?
Social Media. What purpose does it serve you? How is it helping you? Everyone I have talked to recently has reporting feeling triggered, fearful, enraged, angry and/or depressed due to things they are reading on social media. So why do we do it? Because it is a habit. It is a bad habit that no longer serves us. If you are making a living through social media, you have to be there. Otherwise, it is a "nice to have" (and really just a distraction from your life). If you take back all of the time you spend scrolling and redirect it towards things you want in your life, you will be amazed at how much better you feel.
Material Things. How many of you have old t-shirts, memorabilia, shoes, bags, equipment, etc. cluttering your space? How many of you are paying money for storage or are buying bigger homes (that you have to heat/air condition) so you can keep more stuff? Decluttering can help your bank account as well as your mental energy. Let go of what you don't need.
I have had to let go of a lot of things to have the life I have today. I had to let go of people pleasing in order to build my own self worth. I had to let go of resentments within my family in order to create a loving atmosphere for my boys to thrive. I had to let go of drinking as my only coping mechanism. I had to let go of my entire identity as a corporate CPA in order to follow my passion to help others. I had to let go of everything familiar in NJ to live in the climate I thrive in (which is sunshine, beach, and palm trees) in FL.
None of these were easy to let go of. But they have all been entirely worth it.
And letting go of these things doesn't make me weak, a quitter, or not able to hack it.
It takes enormous strength to let go of the things that no longer serve you. Put your tenacity into fearlessly evaluating your life. Use your persistence and grit to push through the difficult feelings and emotions that emerge when you are making changes in your life.
Success requires some discomfort. But that discomfort and effort should be worth the reward - not just to prove to the outside world you can "stick it out".
There is no way you can keep piling stuff onto your plate and end up feeling successful and fulfilled. You need to evaluate everything you are carrying and truly let go of what isn't serving you anymore.
Less is more. Always.
Cheers to a season of letting go,
Sharon
Find Flow Between Holding On and Letting Go
Holding on vs. letting go is one of the many paradoxes we have to navigate in life - we can't do just one or just the other, we need to flow back and forth in order to be successful and fulfilled in life. Other paradoxes include caring for self vs. caring for others, planning vs. doing, work vs. play, being authentic vs. fitting in.
Instead of feeling torn and stressed between these, you can learn through a proven methodology how to flow more seamlessly between these opposing demands in life. It is called polarity mapping and I am teaching it in my upcoming workshop Finding Your Flow. You will leave with your personal completed map that will help you more easily flow between your demands, instead of feeling pulled apart by them.
Finding Your Flow Workshop Details:
Date: Oct 7th, 12-1:30pm ET (virtual)
Cost: $95
Includes the workshop, an optional group coaching session on Oct 21 at 12pm ET, the polarity mapping workbook, and a recording of the session for future reference.
REGISTER HERE
This is a simple, cost-effective way to get a real handle on your stressors and make practical changes to create less stress and more flow. With more flow comes more joy, freedom, and focus. Questions? Email me or set up time to chat HERE.
Life is too short to stay stressed and stuck. I've helped so many people reclaim their life. I can help you too.
