Be a Better Leader by Asking More Questions
Want to be a great leader?
Then become a great coach. How? By asking great questions and really listening to the answers. Michael Bungay Stanier's book 'The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever' offers seven questions that he proposes will increase your impact as a leader. What are those questions?
Ask More, Say Less
The Vibe: Asking questions allows individuals to tell you what they know, fear, and think, and allows them to feel heard. This will increase understanding on both sides and help your teams (this works for family and friends too!) build the habit of coming to the table with something to say instead of waiting for you to give specific instruction.
The Details: The seven questions the book proposes will help you develop a coaching style of leadership are as follows:
What's on your mind?
And what else?
What's the real challenge here for you?
What do you want?
How can I help?
If you are saying Yes to this, what are you saying No to?
What was most useful for you?
These are all really great to use, and I'll focus in on a few of them.
The first question, "What's on your mind?" is brilliant because it allows the person to feel heard. You may be expecting an update on a project, but they may respond with an issue going on in a different department, a concern about the company, or even a personal issue they have been dealing with.
If you ask, "How is project A going?" you are likely going to get a response about project A. But if that person is distracted by something else on their mind and you don't know it, they may struggle or leave without their own concerns being addressed, which usually leads to lower productivity, lower focus, and more stress.
By asking "What's on your mind?" you are giving that person a chance to tell you what is really taking up their mental energy. As a leader, you may be able to help them process what is on their mind, find a solution, or subside a fear. If nothing else, you are making them feel heard, one of the biggest requirements for productive relationships.
Asking the second question of "What else?" is helpful because maybe the person didn't dig too deep when they first responded to you. But when someone asks for more, people tend to think for a minute or two and peel back a layer of the onion. You are going to get to that second layer of what this person is thinking about, which may actually be the thing taking up the most mental energy.
"What do you want" is a huge question. I constantly encourage people to ask for what they want, but it isn't a skill everyone is good at. As a leader you can open the door and ask what people want to *hopefully* get them to speak up. It is a great opportunity to understand what they want and for you to give feedback on what is possible for you (or the organization) to give.
This opens the door to really productive conversations and realistic expectations on both sides. Some leaders shy away from this because they fear they can't give the person what they want. Trust me when I tell you - if you treat your colleagues with respect and give an honest answer, they are going to appreciate it even if it isn't the answer they want.
My favorite question of all of these is "If you are saying Yes to this, what are you saying No to?". It really helps people look at their own limitations. It also helps prevent misunderstandings by bringing to light the things that are being de-prioritized in order to prioritize the latest request.
There are a lot of people with terrible boundaries. There are a lot of overwhelmed and stressed employees right now. And while we can say that it is their responsibility to know and communicate their limits, it isn't where most people are at. As a leader, helping someone understand what they have taken on and what they need to say no to in order to say yes to this newest request will help them view their priorities more realistically.
If they de-prioritize something that you know you need done, it is a great start to a productive prioritization conversation before deadlines get too close and tempers start to flare. This question has the ability to reduce so many misunderstandings, stressors, and conflicts in a workplace.
The final question of "What was most useful for you?" is enlightening not only to the person answering it, but also for the person asking. Sometimes the most useful thing to someone else is the thing we overlook or take for granted. Other times it is the thing we didn't even know we should provide. Either way, allowing your colleague to reflect on what was most useful (from the conversation, the project, the experience, etc.) brings more awareness to all parties for future success.
To Thrive: Ask more, say less. Get into the habit of starting each conversation with an open-ended question and watch your leadership rise.
I know you have knowledge to share, requests to ask for, and direction to give. That is why you are the leader. But taking two to five minutes to ask a question and really listen to the answer has the potential to transform your relationships, the people you work with, and your outcomes.
As your colleagues feel heard and get used to thinking through things, they are going to bring more to your attention, bring more solutions to the table, and develop into the future leader that you need. You need them to grow so that you can grow. You need them to stress less and gain more clarity so that you can stress less and gain more clarity. You need to ask more and say less.
It is a win/win to have a coaching style of leadership!
Cheers to your questions,
Sharon
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