Why Can't You Slow Down?

What happens when you slow down?

"You die."  That was the AHA moment with one of my (self-identified) workaholic clients.  At the core of her being, slowing down meant death.

It was what she saw with several of her elder relatives, and it is what she internalized since childhood.  If you keep moving, you keep moving.  But once you slow down, it is all over.  The importance of identifying this limiting (and untrue) belief is HUGE.  No wonder she could never rest or feel at ease when she wasn't moving forward at 100mph!  So what keeps your foot on the gas pedal, even when you say you want to slow down?

Identifying Limiting Beliefs

Many of us hold all-or-nothing beliefs as described above.  They were learned as children through direct and indirect observation.  They aren't true - life is lived in the gray, in-between areas - but these beliefs stick around.

Confirmation bias - people’s largely unintentional tendency to process information by looking for, or interpreting, information that is consistent with their existing beliefs - reinforces our all-or-nothing beliefs through adulthood.

This all-or-nothing mindset causes us to overwork, over worry, and make decisions that aren't in our best interest.

For my client, this limiting belief came to a head as she started planning for her retirement.  She is clear she wants to use her talents of mentoring, coaching, and developing others without the strain of her changing corporate culture that is at odds with her desires.  She has sufficient retirement savings. 

But her limiting belief made it hard for her to see a path to a fulfilling retirement, since slowing down meant THE END of life as she knows it.

When we uncovered this belief, it was heavy and enlightening at the same time.  Most importantly, it was the beginning of real progress towards what she wanted.

We talked about intentionally looking for vibrant retirees, women who have started something new after their career, and evidence that slowing down on the corporate front can mean doing more impactful and fulfilling things in other areas.

It can be hard to change our behaviors when those behaviors are still meeting a need.  This is why so many of us stay stuck.

We work late into the evening even though we say we want better sleep.
We say yes to the project even though we want more time for ourselves.
We work through the time we need to prepare healthier meals even though we say our health is important.
We say yes to requests that we don't really want to do out of a sense of obligation.
The list goes on and on.........

It isn't a lack of willpower.  It is a lack of identifying the real reason we stay stuck.

The key is to get down to the limiting, all-or-nothing belief, and reconstruct it in a more nuanced, more true way.

Once my client started looking for opportunities to take on post-retirement, they were abundant!  Everything from college adjunct professor to opera to non-profits to family and community-based ways to help.

My client is working through how to slow down without fear of (literal and figurative) death.  She is starting to see slowing down as a reprioritization of her time in ways that are much more fulfilling while allowing her to preserve her health.

She isn't actually slowing down.  She is creating sustainable success.

And that is what I want for everyone.  

I know it is hard to slow down.  Society mocks it, we incorrectly correlate success with working hard (and non-stop), and there is a momentum to life that can carry us away if we aren't intentional.

Dig into your limiting beliefs.  What is actually keeping you so busy?  Is it because you love doing everything on your plate?  Or because fear is driving you to think you can't slow down?

It can be hard to uncover your own limiting beliefs, which is why coaching is so helpful.  We can't make meaningful change if we can't figure out why it feels so hard to do (or why we can't bring ourselves to do it).

I have dozens and dozens of examples of real-life women who slowed down and improved their lives.  They are more successful, happier, and healthier.  

Contrary to their limiting beliefs - they didn't die, wither, or fall behind.  They are engaged and active with a sense of EASE.

But it wasn't easy.  It starts with your beliefs.  It improves with intentional action and continuous support.  I'm here to be that support if you are serious about being joyfully engaged in your life and career instead of being constantly busy, stressed, and overwhelmed.  Schedule a call here or email me.

You deserve to enjoy this life you are working so hard for!  And as Mahatma Gandhi says: There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Cheers to slowing down for success,
Sharon

Want Support Finding Your Balance?

Defining (and untangling) what you really want in life takes time and focus, which are both hard to come by these days.  I can help you get clear on what you REALLY want and remove the obstacles in your way.  The first step is to schedule a free, confidential strategy call by CLICKING HERE.

We can decide what next best step will help you get closer to the life you really want (instead of the life you think you are supposed to be living).  I will leave you with one concrete action that you can take following the call.  And if you are still craving support on what living your life NOW means for you, we can discuss coaching options.

Life is too short to keep putting off what you really want.  Don't stay stuck feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and unsatisfied.  I've helped so many improve their happiness, well-being, and success because they chose to schedule a call and take one step towards the life of their dreams.  I can help you too.