Want Less Stress This Year-End?
Me too! One great way - plan ahead. Not plan the details of everything you think you have to do, but plan what you actually WANT to do in the next eight weeks. Get really clear on your:
Must-Haves
Nice-to-Haves
Absolutely Nots
This approach makes it so much easier to say yes to the things you really want and no to the things that are going to bring you the most stress.
Creating Your Lists
The next two months will be full of holiday preparation, year-end deadlines, and get-togethers (whether live or virtual). It is easy to start going into hyperspeed mode to get it all done in time.
But what if you took 10 minutes right now and sketched out what a successful end of 2021 looked like for you?
Write out your list of:
Must-Haves - These bring you joy and are the most important events you attend, deadlines that must be met, and people you want to spend time with.
Nice-to-Haves - These are the things that you want to do, but if they bring you more stress than joy, they can be let go of or postponed.
Absolutely Nots - These are the things you don't want to do (but sometimes end up doing out of guilt, fear, obligation, etc.)
Must-Haves
These are the people that are most important to spend time with, deadlines that must be met, and events you really want to attend. Key here is that these are YOUR Must-Haves. Not your mother-in-law's, not your neighbor's, and not the latest trend on social media.
These are the things that if you don't do them, it will leave a feeling of emptiness. Many times, family obligations feel like just that - an obligation. Just because it has been tradition to go to Uncle J's every year doesn't mean you HAVE to. As families are coming out of the pandemic, some traditions remained, and some changed. Some are instinctually reverting to the "way it always was".
But this is the best time to revisit if "the way it was" still works for you. People change, circumstances change, and you are allowed to change your plans.
So as you put together this list of Must-Haves, ask yourself if this item brings you joy, will make you feel good, or brings some other benefit. The benefit can be tangible (a year-end bonus if this deadline is met) or intangible (the feeling of connection with family even if it is a two-hour drive).
**Set aside time for these Must-Haves. Schedule these into your calendar as non-negotiable so you aren't stressed trying to crunch these in last minute**
Nice-to-Haves
This list is arguably the hardest list to figure out. Many times we think things on this list are must-haves, until we break it down further and realize that some things are more important to us than others, if only by a small amount.
These could be things that you don't say a full yes or no to, but maybe negotiate or change slightly. Maybe you don't go to Cousin Anna's on Thanksgiving day, but you plan a smaller get together that Saturday to spend time together.
Or maybe these are the things that you give yourself permission to make a game-time decision. You RSVP with the caveat that you have been feeling stressed and that as much as you intend to make it, you are prioritizing your wellbeing so you may cancel at the last minute - not because you don't want to be with the person - but because life has been hectic and you are being honest.
They may not love your response, but that type of honesty is hard to argue with.
At work, these may be the things that you really want to accomplish, but upon further reflection, you realize there isn't going to be much of a difference if you finish it by Dec 31 or Jan 31. Or maybe something sounds exciting at first, but the reality is it won't move the needle on your career or happiness.
Absolutely-Nots
You know in your gut what these are. They are the things you really don't want to do. Maybe you know that your manager consistently throws in a last-minute request or asks you to work for a day or two on your vacation. You always want to say no but every year you get caught off guard, and in the moment, you just say yes. Or maybe it is the family get together that causes you angst every year, but it's a tradition so you "can't" say no.
You are a grown up and you CAN say no! Planning your response ahead of time is one way to do it. When it comes to your manager, being very up front requesting the year-end priorities and being up front about your vacation plans and availability will help set expectations. Having the discussion now with your family before they include you on the group email about who is bringing what can help you relieve the stress hanging over you about it.
This is where I see most of my clients struggle the most. It is hard to say no to something when other people, especially people you care about, want you to say yes. It can feel confrontational. Sometimes the stress of thinking about it is as bad as the actual event itself.
But we can do hard things. And being honest about what you want/don't want (I specifically said what you WANT/DON'T WANT here - not what you can/can't do. Just because you can do it doesn't mean you should) to do over the next 8 weeks is honoring yourself. Being honest with others is honoring them.
They may not see it that way, but you can't control their opinions or perceptions. All you know is your reality. And if your reality is that every year you fit in 1,000 events, gifts, projects, and things to hit your goals and make the holidays "special", just to end up feeling completely depressed, exhausted, stressed, and depleted by Dec 31st, then something has to change.
This is your chance.
Write out your list and then look at it. Does your Must-Have list still look huge? Then start numbering it and see what falls to the bottom. Maybe those things go to the Nice-to-Have list. Look at your Absolutely-Not list and think through the conversations you may need to have now in order to avoid a last minute family feud or a tough conversation with your boss on December 28th when something is due.
This process isn't hard, but it takes intention.
Once you have your list, leave it in a visible, accessible place and modify it as necessary. Life changes fast, maybe today you don't know exactly what you must do in December. That's ok. But making sure that you get to do all the things on your Must-Have list and having solid ways to say no to things on your Absolutely-Not list will take a lot of the stress out of your year-end and holidays.
Take 10-20 minutes putting together your list and finds way to ENJOY this life you are working so hard for. You deserve it!
Cheers to ENJOYING the rest of your year,
Sharon
Want Help Making Your End of Year List?
One of the many things coaching can help with is CLARITY. Clarity on what success means to you, what brings you the most joy, and what you really want in your life. This clarity makes everything easier as you move forward. If gaining this type of clarity is something you could use support with, then let's talk. Schedule a free, confidential strategy call by CLICKING HERE.
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A Life Vision Intensive is a 2-hour discovery session where we talk about your dreams, goals, desires, and what energizes YOU. I summarize what I hear, send you back your own Life Vision document, and then we schedule a 1-hour follow-up call to finalize it and discuss how to use it as a tool going forward. For more info and pricing, CLICK HERE.
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