Know Your Tendency - Change Your Life! For the Better of Course :)
Which Tendency Are You?
In July I'm starting a summer series on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey (one habit each week with practical examples). But before we can develop and build these great habits, it is helpful to understand how we each build habits. Luckily, Gretchen Rubin has an amazing book The Four Tendencies and a quiz you can take to better understand your default tendency, which will help you set up parameters for success specific to YOU!
Take the Quiz
Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies Quiz is HERE.
From her website: "One of the daily challenges of life is "How do I get people - including myself - to do what I want?" The Four Tendencies framework makes this task much easier by revealing whether a person is an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel."
If you know how you operate, you can set yourself up for success when implementing new habits. And it doesn't hurt to understand the tendency of those around you as well, so share the quiz and debrief about it!
The four tendencies are:
Upholder - Meets outer expectations, meets inner expectations - "Discipline is my freedom."
Obliger - Meets outer expectations, resists inner expectations - "You can count on me, and I'm counting on you counting on me."
Questioner - Resists outer expectations, meets inner expectations - "I'll comply if you convince me why."
Rebel - Resists outer expectations, resists inner expectations - "You can't make me, and neither can I."
I am an obliger. I will NOT miss a meeting, a deadline, or something that someone else is expecting of me. But meeting my own expectations isn't as consistent. I promise myself I will wake up for a workout or start eating healthier or stop procrastinating - and in about two days I give up.
I need external accountability to be successful. You can imagine how hard it was when I left my corporate role with constant expectations and became my own boss! I was so confused as to where my work ethic went.
In corporate I used to GRIND. I pushed out more work and delivered more than many of my peers. But when I became my own boss, tomorrow always seemed way better than today.
Once I read Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies book and took the quiz, I was able to recognize that 1) there is nothing wrong with me, 2) I am in good company (the majority of people in this world are Obligers), and 3) I can be successful as long as I establish external accountability.
This was all extremely helpful because I had tried to meet my own internal expectations so many times and kept failing. Once I started consistently setting up external accountability, my business grew, and I have been much more successful in creating and sticking to new habits.
I am married to an Upholder, which is annoying....I mean great! But yeah, annoying, because he just does everything without any resistance. He meets his work deadlines, he never skips a workout, he decided one day he was going vegan and never wavered, and once he decides he's going to do something, he just does it.
He never understood why I wouldn't keep my promises to myself because it is so easy for him. Now that we know our tendencies, we have a better understanding of each other and he has stepped up to be my accountability partner when I need him to.
I used to work with a questioner - also so annoying! I'm sorry if that sounds judgy, but I am always real. The part that was annoying was the constant questioning of things that I felt were pretty straight forward. And at times it felt like he was questioning my authority.
Looking back now, I realize that he couldn't move forward until he both understood and agreed that it was worth doing. If I had known this back then, I would've taken more time to explain things up front and left more time for him to have all of his questions answered instead of always trying to rush him out of my office.
My grandma is a Rebel. Most annoying of all! She legitimately will not do anything that anyone wants her to do, and she often does things that contradict what she says she wants to do. Her legs are weak, but she refuses to use a cane or walker, even though she wants to be mobile and active. This is one example of hundreds, so in the interest of time, we will move on.
The best way to deal with Grandma (and most Rebels) is to present several options and then let it go. They will do what they want when they decide to do it, on their terms. Extremely frustrating, but at least she's my grandma and not my child. Godspeed to those of you with rebel children - I know life isn't easy but Gretchen Rubin's book gives strategies for dealing with rebels.
So go ahead, take the quiz, email me your tendency (I am always so curious to know who is out there!) and use the information to set yourself up for success!!
Cheers to your tendency,
Sharon
Four Tendencies Quiz Here
You know your tendency, so now what?
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