Be Proactive - Habit #1 of Highly Effective People
Be Proactive - Habit #1
Welcome to our Summer Series on effectiveness! Today we are jumping into Habit #1 from Stephen Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Be Proactive. Being proactive is more than just taking initiative. It means that as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. If we look at the word responsibility - "response-ability", it is the ability to choose our response. Yet so many of us allow our conditioning or conditions to control us. So let's get into how to better choose our response and proactively make decisions that support the life we want to live.
Being More Proactive
Our freedom lies in the moment between a stimulus and our response. In that moment, we have the ability to choose how we want to interpret the situation and respond, however most of us default to a preconditioned response, thus giving away all of our power. Instead of responding, we start reacting.
Reactive people are affected greatly by their environments. Good weather - good mood, bad weather - bad mood. People treat us good - good mood, people treat us bad - we get defensive or protective. (BTW - I am a bad weather, bad mood person. Since I couldn't change that as much as I wanted to, I moved to a better weather climate. A big part of being proactive is knowing yourself, recognizing how much you can change, and when you need to change your environment if you can't change your internal state).
Proactive people decide and take steps to make their day a good day, to stand in their confidence despite how they are treated, and to focus on what they can control. Which, in most cases, the only things we can control are our mindsets and responses to external stimuli.
Covey presents the following ways to be more proactive:
Take the Initiative
Taking initiative does not mean being pushy, obnoxious, or aggressive. It does mean recognizing our responsibility to make things happen. Instead of waiting for someone else to fix a problem, revert to your own creative thinking and present a solution. Even if it doesn't end up being "the" solution, it starts the conversation of forward action. It gets you out of victim mindset (that this is happening to you) and allows you to proactively think of how you will change the future circumstances.
Every time you find yourself feeling stuck, revert back to your powers of self-awareness, imagination, and creation, and put yourself in the driver's seat. You may be able to make a huge difference, a small difference, or you may not be able to change the environment around you at all and only control your response.
Whatever it is that you can do, take the initiative. You are too smart, strong, and amazing to sit back and think this life is happening to you - YOU make your life what it is.
Listen to Our Language
The language of reactive people absolves them of responsibility.
"That's me. That's just the way I am." I am determined, there's nothing I can do about it.
"He makes me so mad!" I am not responsible. My emotional life is governed by something outside my control.
"I can't do that. I just don't have the time." Something outside me - limited time - is controlling me.
"If only my partner were more patient." Someone else's behavior is limiting my effectiveness.
"I have to do it." Circumstances or other people are forcing me to do what I do. I'm not free to choose my own actions.
We speak our realities into existence, and therefore the reactive language becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we believe we can't do anything, we take less action, and become even more controlled by the circumstances.
It is true that we may not take an action because we don't like the consequences, but in reality, that is a proactive choice. For example, "I have to go to work". No - you actually don't. You go to work because you don't want to get fired and you rely on your paycheck to live. It is a choice to go to work because you do not want the consequences of not showing up.
Step into your power, become self-aware of your language, and shift it to more accurately reflect a proactive approach to life where you are in the driver's seat! Some examples of reactive/proactive language are below:
Reactive - There's nothing I can do, That's just the way I am, He makes me so mad, They won't allow that, I have to do that, I can't, I must, If only.
Proactive - Let's look at our alternatives, I can choose a different approach, I control my own feelings, I can create an effective presentation, I will choose an appropriate response, I choose, I prefer, I will.
Circle of Concern/Circle of Influence
We all have things we are concerned about, which Covey describes as our circle of concern. Within that circle, there are things we have influence over (Circle of Influence), and things outside of our control. It makes zero sense to waste time, energy, and focus on things we can't control. Instead, identify the things within your Circle of Influence and take proactive action on them.
One of the most frustrating realities is that we cannot control other people. (If I could have any superpower, it would be to control others, not to fly or be invisible!) Being proactive when dealing with a difficult person can be setting healthy boundaries, limiting time with them, preparing responses to deflect their negativity, and taking self-care measures ahead of time to ensure we are in our best headspace when walking into that situation.
For me, this has meant proactively drawing lines around what behavior I will accept/not accept from relatives at my house for the holidays (difficult conversation but they know and they have the choice not to come if they don't want to "behave"). It also means having a statement handy for when someone says something infuriating. I use "Interesting viewpoint" because it gives me a minute to think before I say something like "You're an idiot".
Making and Keeping Commitments
At the very heart of our Circle of Influence is our ability to make and keep commitments and promises. The commitments we make to ourselves and others is the essence and clearest manifestation of our proactivity. Sure - unexpected things come up, but for the most part, we are the ones overscheduling ourselves, saying yes when we want to say no, and cramming things in.
Many of us schedule our days so that if one small thing doesn't go well, a whole bunch of other dominos fall. And since life rarely goes according to plan, we are left dealing with a bunch of fallen dominos when we could have proactively said no or moved things around beforehand.
For me this means scheduling open time. I rarely have open time, because inevitably something goes wrong or a need comes up. But I am less stressed because I already have a window I can slide that unexpected thing into. I proactively reduce my stress by not allowing myself to be booked back-to-back.
The consequence - I do less (but I am also more effective - quality over quantity). I stress less too. But yeah - I don't get back to everyone on email right away. Some deliverables take time. If I am pretty sure I can get it done within 24 hours, I let them know they will have it in 48-72 hours.
I'm not lazy. I'm not less ambitious. I'm proactively managing my time so that I'm less stressed, more fulfilled, and have time to breathe. And then on the days that things go smooth - I actually have some free time and it feels AMAZING!
Application suggestions to be more proactive:
For a full day, listen to your language and the language of those around you. How often do you use and hear reactive phrases such as "If only", "I can't," or "I have to"?
Identify an experience you might encounter in the near future where, based on past experience, you would probably behave reactively. Review the situation in the context of your Circle of Influence. How could you respond proactively?
Select a problem from your work or personal life that is frustrating you and determine whether you have influence, or it is outside your control. Identify the first step you can take in your Circle of Influence to solve it and then take that step.
You have what it takes to be proactive. And if you take these steps, it will change your life for the better. You can go from overwhelmed, stressed out, and unfulfilled to making consistent progress towards the life you want.
You deserve to enjoy this life you are working so hard for!
Cheers to being proactive,
Sharon
Stick with me for this series until we cover all 7 habits!
**Note - much of this text is directly from Stephen Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I've added context where I saw fit and condensed in other sections. His publisher's website is worth a read for more reference and if you can find the time, read the book. Website HERE.**
Be Proactive - it's as easy as a click!
Practice Habit #1 - Be Proactive and schedule a free 30-minute call HERE to figure out your next best step. It is one action you can take now to schedule time for YOU at some point in the future. Together we will discuss how to be more proactive in your life, including how to gain clarity on what you really want in this life - personally and professionally. Get clear on your core values, the impact you want to make, and the people and places you want to spend your time with.
Your next best step may be a Life Vision Intensive, a 2-hour coaching session where we dive into what energizes you, brings you joy, and makes you feel fulfilled. I provide you a written summary of your Life Vision and your core values, and we discuss how to use this as a tool going forward.
You will be clear on what supports your success, what aligns with your values, and what is getting in your way of the life you want. Click HERE to schedule a free strategy session to further discuss how this can help you.
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