Are You the Decision Maker, or Not?

Are you the decision maker?

"Every decision in the world is made by the person who has the power to make the decision.  Make peace with that." ~ Peter Drucker.
We all want to be in control.  But you aren't the decision maker for everything in this world, and recognizing when you are and when you aren't can be one of the simplest ways to reduce your stress and frustration........ if you are willing to accept it.

What do you own?

Decision fatigue is real.  Fatigue from complaining about the decision someone else made that you don't like is just as real, and potentially more exhausting and frustrating.

Decision makers make the decisions, and while that sounds so ridiculously obvious, it is also a reminder about power.  And people get testy about power.  

From Marshall Goldsmith's book Triggers:  "Sometimes the decision makers' choices are logical and wise, other times irrational, petty, and foolish.  That doesn't change the fact that they are still the decision makers.

It is the rare person who can make peace with that fact.  From the schoolkid complaining about a teacher's grade to the teen sulking about a parental grounding to the rejected suitor moaning about a lost love to an imperious CEO ignoring his board's directives, we go through life grumbling about what should be at the expense of accepting what is."

I read that passage and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  How much time have I wasted being upset about a decision that I had no power to decide?  (A whole lot, that's for sure).

But what is the alternative, to sit around and not say something when there is clearly something wrong?  To be some 1930's wallflower woman who smiles and goes along with what everyone else says?

No.  After recognizing that you aren't the decision maker, the next thing to do is the cost-benefit analysis:  Is this battle worth fighting?

If it is, then you have to decide what action you are willing to take in this moment.  As Marshall explains, in this moment is important to assess, as we all have to take care of multiple priorities in life.  If you want to do something about it but aren't willing (or can't) do something about it right now, then let it go for now.

You can pick up this issue again whenever you decide.  And if you decide you aren't willing to do anything about it ever, then why on earth would you keep wasting your energy complaining about it and letting it ruin your day?

All good questions he raises.  All things I had to ask myself with that embarrassed answer of "my ego made me do it".

I want to be important.  Powerful.  Fully in control.  I've jokingly (but not so jokingly) told people that I want to be a Queen one day.  Not a democratically elected president, but a full-on dictator so everything could go my way.  (I promise I was joking, I care a lot about democracy.  But it sure would make my life easier!)

My point is this:  We all want control because it makes us feel safe.  But we don't have all of the control.  In reality, we control very little, even when the illusion of control exists.

If you aren't the decision maker, then you don't get to make the decision.  But you do get to decide what you are willing to do about it, if you even want to do anything about it, and how much energy you will spend being annoyed/frustrated/angry/sad about it.

At the end of the day, the things you get to decide are your attitude, your response, your mindset, and where you direct your energy, focus and love.

I trust you will make good decisions :)

Cheers to good decisions,
Sharon

PS - For anyone keeping track at home, it has been almost 4 months since being displaced by Hurricane Ian, and it has forced me into a place of "not being in control" more than I thought I could tolerate.  None of this stuff is easy.  But with intention and effort, consistent mindset shifts, a lot of cursing, and a whole lot of love from my network of friends and family - it is possible to let go. 

When I let go, I'm happy.  And I really, really want to be happy, so it has motivated me to keep letting go, even when my ego tells me to hold on.  I'm sharing this because I want to keep it real.  Concepts are great but implementation is messy and hard.  And TOTALLY worth it, for the record :)

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